By: Martin Merritt, esq.
Past President, Texas Health Lawyers Association
Past Chair, DBA Health Law Section
martin@martinmerritt.com
“Please Tell Me you Didn’t. . . How to Keep Clients Out of the Jailhouse, Poorhouse and Lawyers Out of the Nuthouse” -Blog
As you can tell, I love talking about health law & litigation issues, and general wellbeing, if you have any health law questions or better yet, need to refer a case, just call or drop me an email and I will happily talk.
As a lawyer, it is my job to be disagreeable, but one thing I have learned over four decades and I mean really sticks out, is that I don’t have to be unpleasant to be disagreeable. I have disagreed mightily over the years with many lawyers and judges, sometimes in highly animated fashion. But when I see old adversaries now, I appreciate them like kindred spirits. I am also very happy they aren’t “dead yet.” Arguing for a living only works, if it doesn’t kill you first.
“Click bait” (So easy, a toddler can do it.) These days, social media podcasts are filled with videos of people who perform “bickering” rituals with each other. Could be a husband and wife, could be police vs. protesters. Like a train wreck, it is hard to look away, and if you aren’t careful, the algorithm will start to feed you a steady diet of them.
The critical thinking part of my brain, does make me stop and ask a couple of questions. In the case of Husband v. Wife, which is supposed to be a unscripted private argument, “if this is a real argument, who’s filming it?” And in the case of very public protests, “if no one were filming it, would there be a protest?”
There is an old saying, “you show me how a person is rewarded, I will predict how they will behave” (or misbehave). At least in the short run. At the heart of it, people have always made money broadcasting melodrama. Social media has simply lowered the barrier to entry. You don’t need to own a TV station to get your bickering out to millions. All you need is something people can’t look away from.
We have new terminology for this phenomenon. First, there is “chasing clicks” or “click bait.” Simply put, “bickering sells.” Then there is “virtue signaling.” As every toddler knows, it can manipulate its parents more easily, if it throws a fit. Even better, toddlers will train parents that they are “good” when they gratify what the toddler wants, and “evil” when they frustrate the toddler. (“Resistance is futile.”)
Psychological “splitting.” Psychologists refer to this “good vs. evil” manipulation tactic, as “splitting.” Babies (real ones, not the ones on TV) can’t tell whether the thing they want is a matter of life and death. They are babies, after all, and don’t know what the rules are yet. Toddlers engage in “emotional blackmail” by simply demanding everything with equal vehemence.
But by the time our children are teenagers, you should be able to ask them, “you do know that you aren’t going to actually die,” if you don’t buy them the thing they want.”
But being the adult in the room means knowing something the toddler doesn’t. It is a parent’s job to teach children there are boundaries in place for a reason. Babies grow up. It isn’t good if everybody throws a tantrum to get what they want. Sure, you might get what you want, but no one likes to be around a full grown “infant.”
“Making a spectacle of yourself.” But we will watch people bickering childishly on social media, just for entertainment. We will also watch videos of a group of vegetarians’ virtue signaling through a bullhorn outside a sushi restaurant. (It’s perhaps an odd thing, to do something so futile, with such enthusiasm and vigor.)
My mother used to call this “making a spectacle of yourself.” (She had a Mississippi accent, and would frequently call us “heathens” who were going to hell when we misbehaved.) But now we can visit other people’s hell with a “click,” which at least makes some entrepreneurial sense. And I think there is some comfort in knowing our lives aren’t that messed up (after all, we can click out of hell, any time we want.)
But is it good for us to watch this behavior? “Monkey see, monkey do” is a scientifically proven fact, I bet I could find at least 9 out of 10 anthropologists on a podcast to agree.
The Roman Virtues. The ancient romans didn’t have smart phones, so they spent a lot of time “touching grass.” (I learned that term somewhat ironically, by watching YouTube.) Here is what Romans came up with a couple thousand years ago as aspirational goals in their free time (when they weren’t pillaging neighboring states):
Pietas. This virtue encompassed a wide range of duties and obligations, including respect for family and fulfilling obligations to others.
Virtus. Moral excellence, including valor, and self-worth. It was seen as a key aspect of Roman character.
Gravitas. This virtue emphasized seriousness, dignity, responsibility, and moral rigor. It was associated with the ability to make weighty decisions and act with due consideration. In other words, being the “grown up in the room.”
Prudentia: This is where we get “jurisprudence.” Involves foresight, wisdom, and practical wisdom in making decisions. It was a crucial virtue for leaders and individuals alike, enabling them to anticipate potential problems and act accordingly.
Severitas. This virtue involved self-control, discipline, and sternness. It was seen as essential for maintaining order and stability, both individually and within society.
Veritas. Veritas meant truthfulness and honesty in dealings with others. It was considered a fundamental virtue, and Romans believed that living an honest life was essential for virtuous living.
Constantia. This virtue emphasized perseverance, endurance, and steadfastness in the face of adversity. It was highly valued as a quality that enabled Romans to overcome challenges and achieve their goals.
In conclusion, while it is not always possible to play “nice in the sandbox,” we probably should be cautious about normalizing bad behavior. George Bernard Shaw said, “if you wrestle with pigs, you both get dirty, but the pig likes it.” (Even if you are just doing it virtually.)